Really fed-up with the rigidity of the no smokes clinic. Maybe branching out. Trying out without NRT (Nicotine Replacement Therapy) today.

Tooth still aching every now and then. Was so tired after my Body Balance (yoga, pilates, tai chi) class yesterday. Cos stagnating after not going since Thursday and after the ciggies I smoked. Oh well!!!!!

Brother's not back until Tuesday. Probably a blessing in disguise.

Listened to my Byrds 2-disc greatest hits just now. Pretty damn good. So good in fact I'm thinking of purchasing the entire Byrds catalogue. I alread have Turn!Turn!Turn!, Sweetheart of the Rodeo and Ballad of Easy Rider. This compilation has the original versions of their "He was a Friend of Mine" and "Goin' Back" covers and not the re-recorded 1990 reunion versions. Also a brilliant "Drug Store Truck Drivin' Man" written by my hero Gram Parsons and a brilliant cover of Dylan's "This Wheel's On Fire", which I suspect Siouxsie and the Banshees used as a basis for their cover, and not the original. Very worthwhile purchase and keeps my mind off the death sticks.

Jus saw Casino Royale. Not too bad. Reminds me of Dr. No, my favourite Bond movie. Jus espionage, no fancy gadgets, no one-liners, no stupid innuendo-filled names for dames and no martini, shaken not stirred. Doing pretty well on my quit, presumptously. Managed to piss my brother off also. Trying hard not to worsen the situation.

Tot of extracting my bad tooth just now but the dentist said it can be saved. Thus was what I prayed for. So praise the Lord almighty. Gonna pray for an hour afterwards.

Damn! Smoked again today. Need to get my tooth extracted as a negative reward.

Supposed to eat the frog today by getting my tooth pulled out. But expensive downstairs, man. RM80. Can get it done near my house for RM60. Procrastinasting maybe?

That cute lawyer chick downstairs talked to me jus now.

Dear Cigarette,

I have given up on your nefarious ways before in making me addicted to you whilst giving me chest constrictions, tremors in my fingers, yellow teeth and fingers, inability to eat to my satisfaction, constant diarrhoea and the ashtray taste in my mouth whenever I kiss women. Now you taunt me again, just because of work pressure and relationship stress. Goodbye old friend, u're the albatross around my neck. Definitely u are not gonna mess my health as this time I intend to stay quit. I have stated my reasons elsewhere before in relation to you. I am gonna post this on my blog to remind myself of what you have given me in the past and what you will give to me again.

Your old friend.

It's just I had this feeling of not being loved on Friday. Then postponed my kick smoking clinic appointment. Then I made some mistake with really important work that decides my rice bowl (my earnings) so was smoking a lot of friday. Ok again on Saturday. Jus smoked 2. Then met this girl i fancied on sunday and she was like ignoring me so got back to smoking again. Felt really bad on Monday and yesterday as well. Yesterday felt ok cos I won my case but maybe not so hard won on the professional courtesy as the other side lawyer said i didn't inform him and went ahead with the hearing. Smoked my last pack. Making my decision to quit again and faced a lot of scolding from the nurse at the clinic yesterday.

Started from the feeling of nostalgi about the first few times I smoked. The cigarettes taste like that again after quitting. Me I'm a lurker, don really know how to help others on the quit smoking BBS. The clinic gave me some bigger nicotine patches. I'm starting the quit date again and the process.

Went thru hell trying to get up today again. Sheesshh! Do I have to go thru weight gain again?

Managed to get order in terms (won) my Metrobilt application. And struck off the other side's application. Over the hill and Sam (my client) is happy for me. But the other side lawyer screwed me up for not informing him. How ler? Gonna play guitar today for worship at church ofis. Gonna see the nurse at the no smoking clinic also.

Back to smoking again. Only for these few days. What can I say?

Kok Peng's a voice within my head telling about my insecurities. No women, low income job. Hell, man! Satan worked thru him. And him selling me all the porn DVDs. Eva's avoiding me again today. How man? Really gotten worse this mid-life crisis ever since Caroline left me. Seems that having sex and love and then losing it made me much worse. I really dunno what to do. And I have started smoking again. And now Isabel don wanna go out with me.

Was having a really bad day yesterday. Smoked 8 ciggies. Fucked up Venu's (my senior partner) work. Hid it. Then confessed. Feeling really rather shite really. Cos of Eva maybe. Wei Wei came and saw me at my house.

Kinda in the doldrums today. Cos Eva not picking up my calls or replying my SMS. Other than that, things are alright. Was so sexually frustrated and thinking of picking a fight.

Also, Caroline (my ex) not picking up my calls and I really want my two DVDs back.

Getting a bit bored just posting bout my workouts and girls..... Any idea of anything else interesting to post?

Did my usual Body Combat (cardio martial arts) and weight training yesterday. Really surprised at the ripples on my arms and body yesterday. Yeah, I'm building muscles.

Eva was kinda avoiding me yesterday. So a bit heartbroken. Managed to talk to that horny-looking older woman. Checked out the usual chicks - that blur-blur skinny chick and the rabbit-toothed long-haired chick whom both always keep looking at me.

Thinking I'm falling in love with Eva, that gym chick I met on the lrt.

Weighed myself yesterday. Seems to have lost 2.5 kgs. Had another bone-crunching abs and bicep-tricep weight training then had Body Jam (cardio dancing).

Monday today....

Boo Hoo!!!!

A shout and a "wasssuuuupppppp!!!!" to the usual readers.

Burnt about 3,000 calories today. Boy, am I bushed/knackered. Ran 3km, cycling for an hour, abs, biceps and triceps weight training and finally Body Attack (cardio and muscle conditioning).

Woooaaaarrrgggghhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Talked to some people and got to know some new dudes and dudettes.

Went and bought Black Sabbath and Thom Yorke. Pretty ok, both...

Listening to MUSE now cos their Supermassive Black Hole was playing in my head just now. I am a fool for no one but baby you know I am a fool for you.

Did two hours work-out yesterday. Arms and legs weight training followed by cardio martial arts training. Met Michael and Esther during that class. Had a big problem waking up just now.

Had a drink with that clerk lady and her frens just now. Some pretty chicks there. Mostly clerks from another law firm.

I was at the gym again yesterday. Did some abs and bicep training. Then had Body Jam - cardio dancing. Pretty good workout I guess. Haven't sweated that much in ages. Body's conditioned to the work outs I guess.

Chilling out to Dylan's Blood on the Tracks. So much pain (he just got divorced then). Probably a sadist me for enjoying such pain. I broke off before but not to his degree of pain. Wonderful!

Had a 20-minute run on the treadmill, 15-minute on the skiing machine and 5 minutes on the skating machine yesterday at the gym. Then had an hour of weight training class - Body Pump. Not too bad. My body isn't aching today. Still pretty worried about the extra 7 kgs.

Will be meeting with my Obasan kampong chicken pork chop ah lian on Sunday lor. Called Caroline yesterday. Maybe there's a reconciliation. Or more sex?

Probably meeting Kellie this Sunday.

Had an anxiety attack yesterday. Despite the amount of caffeine in my system, still didn't have that nice Promethazine feeling I had last week before church prayer. Sheesh! How to get that feeling again arr?

Virtually nothing to post today.

Went for Clement's Body Jam today. Same old regulars - that buck-toothed specky chick and that scrounged faced Christian chick. Might as well go after either of them since the Korean movie I saw yesterday (Please teach me English (Ingrish?)) talked about the virtues of plainliness. Ha ha ha.

Erm, still very worried about my weight gain. I still have an extra 7 kgs. So probably spending the whole week after work next week in the gym. Did my usual 4-hour workout today. Yeah it's a new obsession but what to to about my 7 kgs?

Spent the morning with Echo that Nu Skin chick. Had a cholesterol and blood sugar test. Both normal arr. Then she gave me a facial spa. Not too bad! She was wearing a translucent blouse so pretty stim I guess.

Left Myke's class of Body Combat in gym at the beginning yesterday. Cos really no mood lar. And the mic wasn't working. And the class is over-crowded. Haiz!

Went and bought Jesus and Mary Chain's Darklands CD yesterday. I got the cassette version but this one is dual disc DVD remastering with music videos and lyrics. This is the bulwark and backbone of my teenage years circa 1987-88 when I was 16 to 17.

Christy said she don like me. Boo Hoo!

He he he. The COPD machine couldn't detect the carbon monoxide from the fag I took.

Went to church yesterday. Expecting a "Hell Night" or some such celebration for Halloween but no, just intercessory prayer. Pretty boring, as I just spent most of it texting.

Was really geared up to see Monica. But I went there and my feelings jus elapsed. I dunno y.

Yesterday was having the floaty high feelings I used to get when the doctor jabbed me with Promethazine. Maybe the cure for my illness is there. Probably no smokes and sex I guess.