Erm, it's been a long time since I blogged. Anyway, went to my former regular psychiatrist (Dr. Saroja) to try to deal with my panic attacks on every Monday. Gonna get some new meds probably. She prescribed me some Xanax, a sedative which I used to take after my UK days. I asked whether my liver would be immune to it. She said it's been a long time since I took it.

Got my tooth fixed at the dentist. He said it looked half-dead, my tooth. Got some anti-biotics in case it acts up. Cost me a bomb though - 90 for fillings and meds.

Jus came back from two day-two night stay at Awana Genting. Sat virtually no smoking but back to smokes today. How arr? Really fed-up with my quit.

Bought a 5-in-1 soft porn video on Sunday. Haiz! Getting really bored of nude Asian girls. Only thing interesting was when this singer gave everybody a peek of her panties. Was feeling damn horny on Sunday night.

Had another panic attack yesterday but not too bad this time. Woke up with a bad headache cos wore my nicotine patch during sleep. Still smoking! How arr?

Saw the Host jus now. It's a Korean monster movie. Not very good. Had high expectations cos of the reviews. Funny initially but middle and end boring.

Ahhh!!!!!! Finally got T-Rex's Electric Warrior. Saw it in Cardiff UK and thought of buying it for two years (it was a cassette). Then didn't and kicked myself in the backside for not doing so for the past ten years. Finally got it. Got some superfluous bons tracks though.

Calculated precisely and hey! my Saturday gym sessions only last 3 hrs. And Kylie (Australian masterclass instructor) said Body Attack (high-impact aerobics with running tracks) only burns 900 calories. Jackson (the regular instructor) said 1,500 calories. Who to trust ler? I put it at 1,000 at best. So maybe not really 3,000 calories I burn each Sat. Fucking hell! I'm turning into a rocket scientist now. Pedalled harder and increased the resistance for RPM (cycling) jus now. Really really felt the burn. Maybe really pushing 900 calories then. Went for Body Pump (strength training) and Myke was teaching. He's really rugged and macho. I usually c him for Body Combat (non-combative martial arts cardio) on Thursday. Wonder how much I burn for Body Pump?

Saw parts of Ong Bak, that muay thai (Siamese kick-boxing) movie, jus now. Forget the dude's name, Jason or Tony something. Yeah looks good. No wonder he's called the new Jet Li, Bruce Lee or whoever the fuck. I can hardly give a rat's ass. Fucked if I do, fucked if I don't. Ha ha ha.....

Was watching one of my porn DVDs jus now. Put on the sound cos bro playing hi-fi damn fucking loud. Watched a couple of episodes from start to finish. Played with myself longer. Actually the climax was so much more better. Not really the end of my masturbation experiences yet. Wonder if i will still do it after marriage.

Really really like the Cat Stevens compilation I bought. Not as ground shaking as Nick Drake or John Martyn but pretty damn good nonetheless.

Back to square one. Went for back-to-back cardio/aerobic classes yesterday at the gym so pretty tired today. Also watched TV until 12 yesternight. My belly is still portruding though. But this time won't substitute ciggies with food lar.

After a lengthy and introspective analysis of myself and the death sticks, I have carefully ironed out all the niggles and why I relapsed and ponderous rethinking about the effects of nicotine on my brain, I have decided to reset my quit day today as I have smoked off and on for these past few weeks since I relapsed. Hope I do good this time.

Going back to Ahmoi (dating website) again. Lotsa more people posting up their photos so no need to got pick up the non-photo ones. Last time it was like 10,000 emails to girls with pics. Now far lesser ler unless really pretty. More choices gua.

Listened to the Beatles' Love already. Nothing that great. Some new remixes are good though, especially the Drvie my Car/The Word/What You're Doing medley. Watched the Who's Quadrophenia Live DVD. Not too bad for rock dinosaurs. Loved the songs "The Punk and the Godfather", "I've had Enough" and "Bell Boy" and also that Pete Townshend solo acoustic guitar spot (song title I cannot remember).

Managed to get the Who's Who Next double CD edition and Cat Stevens' CD yesterday. Tot I'd hate Cat but he sounds good. Got my DVD player fixed so now watching porn again. Got the Beatles' new CD today - Love. Didn't feel much like getting it cos all are old songs remixed. Was so tired yesterday after gym I skipped church this morning. Doing well with my smoking quit.

Cooked up some cock and bull story about me having a toothache and forgotten the patch to the no smokes clinic's nurse. Still accepted me. Dunno how long can I keep this up.