So funny day today had to post twice. Seems like my problem is deeper than it seems. Was feeling all sorts of persecutory thoughts yesterday about sex. Yet when I tried to masturbate, the problems felt like fixing, Still think they're testing out my willpower. Cos was feeling so shitty yesterday and needed a smoke so badly. Nope, not gonna smoke at all.

Father is on assumption it's all about Caroline but it's more my horniness and Cheng Cheng. Have to re-adjust to her frequency again. I seem to think both our illnesses are related. Seems both of us ought to be well if we slept with each other.

Furthermore, the NSB is not as simple as it seems either.